The Thing About Our Mumbling Monotone
The way we say "I love you" sounds flat and weird and robotic, but that doesn't mean we don't love you. We just sound like a robot. But we are not a robot. Because, hopefully, you would not have married a robot. But you might have married a man who sounds an awful lot like one.
The One Place We'll Always Bomb Out
The supermarket. We can never be inventive enough. We are happy to do the shopping, but we will buy recycling bags and new sponges, Raisin Bran and peanut butter and... nothing fun ever. We're sorry.
When You Need to Lie (And When You Don't)
We like being told that we look good on the way out the door before a dinner party just as much as any woman does—even if we are wearing a plaid shirt and a tweed blazer in a way that does not read as "fun." We also will need to be told if we smell bad and that we should go do something about it because knowing we smell bad doesn't necessarily trigger a need in us not to smell bad. So just tell us to go take a shower and then hide the outfit and say we must've lost it. We'll believe you.
What to Do About Race-Walking Strangers in the Airport
Why do we need to beat random people on the walking escalator— even people who are going to a different gate? Why did we leave you behind? Unless we actually lose you, please, please, let it go. Our competitive nature is embarrassing and quite dumb, but we can't get free of it, and telling us about it won't make it go away.
The way we say "I love you" sounds flat and weird and robotic, but that doesn't mean we don't love you. We just sound like a robot. But we are not a robot. Because, hopefully, you would not have married a robot. But you might have married a man who sounds an awful lot like one.
The One Place We'll Always Bomb Out
The supermarket. We can never be inventive enough. We are happy to do the shopping, but we will buy recycling bags and new sponges, Raisin Bran and peanut butter and... nothing fun ever. We're sorry.
When You Need to Lie (And When You Don't)
We like being told that we look good on the way out the door before a dinner party just as much as any woman does—even if we are wearing a plaid shirt and a tweed blazer in a way that does not read as "fun." We also will need to be told if we smell bad and that we should go do something about it because knowing we smell bad doesn't necessarily trigger a need in us not to smell bad. So just tell us to go take a shower and then hide the outfit and say we must've lost it. We'll believe you.
What to Do About Race-Walking Strangers in the Airport
Why do we need to beat random people on the walking escalator— even people who are going to a different gate? Why did we leave you behind? Unless we actually lose you, please, please, let it go. Our competitive nature is embarrassing and quite dumb, but we can't get free of it, and telling us about it won't make it go away.
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