Psychologists say the secret of a good marriage is being convinced that your spouse is more attractive than they really are.
Dr Viren Swami, of the University of Westminster in London, said: ‘When you are in love you idealise the people you love. You rate your partner as more attractive.’
He added that people in love also tend to think their partner is better looking than themselves.
‘It is essential to evolutionary psychology,’ he said, speaking at Cheltenham Science Festival. ‘You think: “I’m doing okay for myself”.
‘It generally makes you feel better to think you are with someone who is incredibly attractive, it makes you happy and boosts your self-esteem.
‘If you are not idealising your partner it probably suggests there is something wrong.
'You can assess how stable a relationship is by how much they idealise their partner. It almost indicates how much love there is in the relationship.’
Although people idealise their lovers the most in the first three months of a relationship, the effect continues into old age, he said.
Psychologists call the phenomenon the ‘halo effect’, which means that if someone is perceived as having an attractive personality they are also seen as physically attractive.
The study, published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, found higher ratings among partner parings.
The researchers said partners embellish each other’s virtues and ignore faults, a ‘positive illusion’ that makes commitment seem more attractive and ‘stabilises their long-term bond’.
The University of Groningen researchers said: ‘In order to sustain a sense of security, partners often weave an elaborate fictitious story that both embellishes a partner’s virtues and minimises his or her faults.
‘By means of these positive illusions, partners may enhance their sense of security, overstate the case of commitment and derogate alternative partners, thus stabilising their long-term bond.’
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